Friday June 24 was the last day of school. I had forgotten the emotional intensity generated by the rhythm of the school year. The excitement and anticipation (and trepidation, even dread) of September may have mostly been due to my return to the classroom after 20 years absence, but I know it’s an annual set of emotions for teachers. Then, as you who have followed this blog know so well, the year was a roller coaster ride of contention and self-criticism leading to a surprisingly successful project in the final five weeks.
That project, in which the boys explored a neighborhood problem of their choice, provided a very satisfying ending to the year for all of us. The boys enjoyed the well known benefits of project based learning. They felt more in charge of their learning and thus responsible for their own destinies and less harassed by me. I felt satisfaction at seeing them working together diligently to accomplish a shared goal based on the learning standards.
Thus the “Solving a Neighborhood Problem” project effectively set the stage for the rapid swirl of emotions that characterize the final weeks of school. Some of these boys--after a year of battling with me, resisting my directions, disrupting lessons and inciting rebellion--are suddenly my best friends! For my part, I am equally visited by a growing affection for even the most troublesome boys. I even find myself regretting the failing grades I had to give some of them (although I didn’t change the grades).
As we approach the end of the year, students begin to experience classic “separation anxiety” and act out in all of the diverse ways that any feeling of anxiety leads to. I think they act on the unspoken (and unspeakable!) feeling that they actually like coming to school, seeing their friends, doing school work, etc., and they will miss it over the summer. Or at least they may like it better than doing nothing, even with all the complaints and conflicts with teachers and counselors
As a teacher, I am going through the same emotional stages as the school year ends and a summer of idleness begins. Of course I’m thrilled to get more sleep, read novels, fix up my house, work in the yard, and generally RELAX, but....there is a little voice deep in the back of my mind anxiously asking what my goals, deadlines, preparations, and obligations are. “Make a list!” this voice is saying. “Make more lists! Start doing things! Get something done! Prepare for next year!” etc. etc. Clearly the mental habits of nine months of hectic, relentless, overwhelming obligations and tasks won’t dissipate easily. Still....I am finally getting enough sleep!
(Summer lassitude has clearly arrived; it has taken me over a week to get this post finalized and on the blog. Coming up: My musical July; plans for the fall; more on the state of education.)
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